TALKING

Guarded and angry I have to say that I look back on the last few months of my life and cannot believe the amount of adversity that I have pushed through. No, this is not me hugging myself and giving myself a huge pat on the back. This is me looking back on my life for the past 18 months and watching it like it is a bad horror flick and being really fucking proud that I seem to be coming out of the other side, someone whole.

In tough times we shrink. Both internally and externally. Our shoulders cave in. Our heart slows. Our minds race. Our life chugs... My shoulders have been concave. My heart almost dead. My soul vacant.

And during this time I am certain that I have been one of the bad bitches. The nasty ones. Only because it was how I was feeling on the inside. Lost. Stolen. Pissed. Cheated. Torn.

But... in writing this blog I reminded myself that I, nor you, or any woman should go down easy. Without a fight. That life is not about joy and pleasure all the time and the tough times have to be taken on with courage. This I have learned by watching the grace in other women who have faced so much more adversity than I. It just shows us how tough we can really be. Not tough like bad ass (unless of course that is what you aspire to be which is great) but tough in knowing that even when the horse is down and being kicked that she ain't given' in or up.

This horse has been down. This BITCH has been down. But I have my bitch armor and my gear. My lips are painted. My heart is filling and I have courage to turn over the page on tomorrow.